The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

21:00 Oct 30 2017
Times Read: 283

Friday was abit healing cried a lot for I got through the year from hell. But how I survived it I am not sure. Regrettably I have been homeless for a time and I was okay traveling around with Atka and myself and Osiris as a side kick almost. The problem however, is I am out of FL and I am still feeling pangs of issues from the year before. I somehow got through it barely. I went through a lot last year and had no clue the healing process takes more then a year to heal the wounds that I have.
Went to church and felt odd. I normally feel the presence of God. Where ever I go but it seemed to have left the building when I went in. I was expecting positive stuff since it is a new ward. But for some reason I felt like I am not really into it. I was like there for people commune together. I have been praying out of my bible mostly and I am finding it hard to be less social able then before. I was there and people noticed I was new to the ward and that was ok. I was single and yet young enough to be looked at like why don’t I have children and such. That or at least married. The pressure was not there to be friends with anyone for I was not into a click mentality. It just felt off. I felt off. Like church for some reason does not bring the same joy it did when I first went to it.
Today I did not want to get out of bed for my animals where snuggling with me and I was truly not in the mood to bake and or anything but it is an acquaintances birthday and since Karen does not cook I have to prep everything. Strawberry apparently is working and left me directions on salad making since apparently I do too much and she does not like it that way. Though Evelyn the one’s who’s birthday it is likes my salads. So I thought that was a slap on the face. Truly like I don’t know how to cook or something enough to make salad right? Muhahaaa yeah chicka is off her rocker. I have been cooking since I was 9 years old do to parents never being home. And I had to feed myself and my sister at the time. So yeah got a bit miffed at her for that. Just held it in and thought as soon as I get my birth certificate then get an id I am sooooo going to try out for other things. Living with a bunch of people is okay sometimes. But other times you just want to say fook it and move on. I don’t like being around people and lately I am seeing more drs then people so why should I stay here and deal with stupid shit like that? Goodness.

03:05 Oct 28 2017
Times Read: 287

Tonight was wonderful walking under the stars and it being cold. This morning was wonderful too. In the sense that I got to see trees change! I have lived in Fl for way too long and to see the leaves change was a wonderful and amazing blessing. Seriously simple I know but it was well worth it. Fall is finally here in my mind. Which is lovely.
Today I was reflecting on surviving. I survived some serious crap and I did not realize there is such a thing as an anniversary for it. I lost my cat and moved with basically my life on the line. I am glad I got out of it but to say I survived it and still have anger for the loss of my Arwen. And then things that were my grandmother’s stuff made me think the ex roommate deserves to get karma back. I never say bad things normally for I know my God can smacketh down when he wants and when he does he does things I could not do on my own so I know it is him. I was thinking about how I would not see the aftermath but I do know she will get hers and she will get it big time. I just wait for news to get to me on what has happened to her.
See being nice does not mean I am a door mat. God gets people back and I have seen it. I just would like to see it again is all. Today in therapy I was like ummmm how do I get rid of the feelings? She said it takes time and what you went thru was seriously amazing that you even got out alive. Less alone got two of your animals safely away. It made sense but it did not feel like it was enough. There is a loss of my cat and stuff I can never replace. The fact I have anger in my heart for this woman makes me want evil to happen to her. I explained that to Kira and she said that is normal. Try and see it as though your time with the cat was for a time. It had purpose in the moments you had her. Don’t mourn her loss but try to see the purpose in the time you had with her. So She said write out a letter to her and then burn it. I plan to tomorrow. Just right now a tad sore is all.

22:47 Oct 25 2017
Times Read: 297

Today was a brilliant day of wind walking. That and attracting babies to me and animals to me that were not mine. I get the kid thing for I am a child at heart but really do I want them not sure anymore… Animals well they know I have animals so it says sucker on my forehead somewhere.
I was at dr psycho today and gave her paper work one saying that I am clean and also not pregnant since she tested me for these things and then rather then tell me she actually had me freaken get a call giving me a false positive on kid baring. I almost had a break down. So went to my obgyn and got tested correctly got the paper work and brought it to her and said here… One not preggies don’t have a partner though I may flirt on line does not mean I am fooking them all. Two std check cleared for all of them so again piss off with tests that aren’t valid for me. Three you ever test me again for stuff like that again and not tell me really what it is for you are going to wish I never became your patient. I don’t like being called a liar less alone not being told what the test was for. Long island peeps don’t take kindly to stupid and that was stupid on your part. I thought it was for all the meds she has me on to prove I was taken the stuff. Anyways got my point across and yes I am crazy but damn it don’t tell me other stuff I know I have not done in years…. Hell getting over the stuff I had done to me so not going to go thru it with her. Lucky like my therapist a lot more then this chick. But it was a good day for I got my point across and the weather was down right perfect even saw a bee out which was nice to see. wicked evil grin.

01:33 Oct 21 2017
Times Read: 305

When the world spins off axis what do you do?
Try and get back body balance. So I have been doing thatf or three days and with no avail still freakin dizzy . Fainted a few times and also had a moment as well. Finding it hard to blame it on my bipolar disorder and more like its apart of the eds included with potts together which makes for fainting trips up the yin yang. today I have three flair ups and I really want to go to bed but not tired. blah blah blah

23:25 Oct 20 2017
Times Read: 308



Ball jointed doll community
Unknown to me till last weekend I really did not grasp the doll community. Till I got to experience it first hand. Yes some talk to their dolls but others actually do it for an artform and more so a contest of witts. To see who can do the best on their costume.
I tried my hand at it for I got a march doll so I could be included in this doll theory and found there are a lot of gothics that seem to geek out on these dolls. So here goes a visit thru my eyes
The anime type

The gothic type




The occultist type


Men and women actually create these dolls to themes and sometimes even seasons. It is interesting to see the person creating the doll can look like you or me and you would never have thought that its art it you look at them close and personal. There are many other types which probably would be a bit more girlie or odd but they have many ways to express their dolls. I am happy to report that it is not all that bad and not all that crazy. They were comic makers and film artists there and then just ones that geek on them for they like to.

00:40 Oct 20 2017
Times Read: 317

You know those people who like to clean when there in the mood to clean. Well Strawberry gets into that when she has moments. She is having a control freak cleaning mode and not sure why. She gets into it and moves stuff around and you are like what the heck happened to whatever it was you were doing the project with or where did that dry food go? She is the one who does whirlwind ideas and though organized confuse the fook out of everyone else. So anyways she is doing this while she has time before work. Then she goes around with something more. Not that she picks up shit or puppy pads that her dog has been doing or mine. I decided to pick up the dog shit but leave her the puppy pad for her dog is the one peeing on them. Why she woke me up and said why cant your dog shit and piss on the pad? My dog likes going out a lot and I don’t truly worry about that. Her dog is the one who basically has been peeing and such but blaming it on my dog. Apparently she never noticed it till I moved in. Her cat also does the strange things my animals don’t do but now they do. FUnnnn fact don’t move in with animals that are truly not trained or watched over for it shows a teaching of new things they never did before habit wise and you have to break them. Now the thing I don’t get is why atka decided to poop on the side of the puppy pad when there where others around. Less alone does she warn me when she needs to go out so I am a helicopter fur mama watching her like a hawk when home. Another FUNNNN fact shitzus do not like being watched. SO they are truly a messarie when it comes to trying to retrain them.
Okay today I was not feeling well and strawberry actually left poop all over the place because it was atka who did it. In my mind that is all I can think but she did not nor karen wake me up to tell me my dog is sick nor did they say clean the poop up. I was like um yeah there is a problem here. So I did not say anything acting fine to when I saw them but now wonder if I should not clean up kizzy messes if she gets sick which is often. Hmmmm next time I will leave it for them to clean up and not say anything either. Pay back is a bitch and kizzy’s pooop is a lot worse. So yeahhhhhhhh not happy with happy house hold maker but hey paybacks are a bitch and they are my right as everyone else does why not?

18:49 Oct 17 2017
Times Read: 342

You know it is sad when you are only seeing a side of an online relationship and then bits and pieces come out and the hard fact is the guy you thought you had an open relationship really just like collecting people. Since I tell him I talk to people on sugar daddy he had a cow and now starts slowly telling me ab9out this or that girl. Not jealous just feel lied to. I don’t like when people play games and think that their other half is the issue when they are the problem. I find it fascinating how fast tables turn when you do something that is apart of an agreement. If it is good for the goose it is good for the gander too. NOT ever doing online dating again. It is messy and though I like the communication part. I don’t like the little lies and such. I find it stupid. Might as well just not be in something like that and be a free roaming female who enjoys talking to men and does not go any further. New flash people I am not one for online relationships because of the last guy I dated online this one makes that one look sane. Which he is not so I really feel friends on internet are better and that is it.

03:04 Oct 16 2017
Times Read: 347

I have not been on in a while for the computer keeps being a problem. A lot of doctors and such nothing must be positive then I was drawn into doll geeks. I got a doll and had to go to the doll uh meet. So I went and there were goths there and I was stuck in shock. I was like whyyyyyyy???? Why geek on dolls? Tilted my head and watched as they were all in it for life. LIFERS 10 years or more. Men and women. Not gay and gay. I was in some kind of land of art and geeking on games then stuff to watch or aniimals . Karen brought me but I was surrounded by 20 and 30 somethings and would not let me out of their sites. I was like hmmm sip water and watch carefully. So then I was talking to a gay couple and thought nothing of asking doll questions since I was a newbie. BIG wtf did I get into??????( Some talk like their dolls are realllllll. Others see it like an art thing. ) Anyways one of the pairings you could see she was not happy with me talking to her other half at all. LIKE I am going to take her away? UM no. I was just trying to get a grip on the doll meet. The men were easier to talk to till I me Dee she was a comic designer and have dolls for that purpose and does really wow work with her dolls. She even did a joker one with out paint and I was like yep joker was amazingly done. She got into marvel and dc comics then went into stuff she watches and then she went from there. Yep the other half gave me a look of dooommmmm.. I laughed and thought shit if I had a 1.00 for every look I get when I talk to anyone’s other half and not interested somehow they start talking for hours I would be rich. I spoke for 2 hours to Dee. She was in awe that I could geek out, comic out, comic con it, then movies, then anime, and game out, goth out and talk shop about spirituality. I was not impressed with the convo but then we had others communicated and I had 7 women around me and they all were like wow. And their other halves stayed in the other room. Looking in to see if we changed a corner into a subject. One would come in at a time. I was like um help Karen was nooooooo where to be found. NO WHERE. SO I was stuck in talking land with people who had other partners, dolls and one out of the 7 was on breath of what I was talking about or two or three. I did not understand it. I was like I am not fresh meat and I am not into women though my other half would love it I think. I think he would get jealous in a heartbeat if I even went that route without him.
I was in shocked. The gifts were sweet the book making teaching was awesome for I was like scrapbooking I know this!!! The rest of it was like um nooooo knowledge of it. Now if you talk about catwoman I have an opinion on it and good god be aware not to talk about the new one. ONeeeee did. I was like oh hell no. I looked at her in distain and Dee and I agreed new one sucks and not well. I said I could fuck you better than getting involved in this convo. All the women’s jaws dropped. . They stopped the convo and began giving me their numbers. I looked at them and said I am sorry DC fucked me out of a season of catwoman. I have to read just batman now. Not that I don’t appreciate the offer but um I am taken. You could see they were a bit upset. I got home with two cats for my doll a stand, an outfit and cat ears. So apparently they liked me enough for the doll thing?
Today I was watching a child named Luna all day her dad was there but she seemed to gear her life around me. She was like she is a girl. Things that she said that made me laugh or cough aloud. She asked if my roommate was my grandma? I was like no she is my friend… She then proceeded to play video games and such. In my wee little room. 😊 She was full of energy. OMG was she. I was so grateful when she left. She was just wow more excited than I could actually be. She asked me if I have children. I was like no. She is like do you have a daddy? I said I had one he is in heaven. Lying thru my teeth for he probably went to hell as did mom. She was like well my daddy can be your dad. I was like how old do you think I am I? She said like my daddy’s age. I laughed and said no dear I am older then him but thank you. She feels her daddy needs a partner. Since her mommy has someone else.
So the day started where I could ignore the wee one till she decided nope I am going to get in your bubble. kids and mostly partners that are taken seem to think its okay to take their presence and put it in my world. When it is not something I care for that is for sure. Yes today this child widdled her presence into my world and she was hard to entertain at first for she is three and she is seeing the world with eyes of awe and wonder. So everything was a touching fest. EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYthingggggg. I don’t mind kids or animals but when they decide hey you are mine to toy with for 8 hours and no one not even the father knew what to do at it for she was so darn easily amused with me. So easing into the dad I was trying to do things like three olds would know. I did her nails and her hair and make up and then she wanted to watch tv with me and her father. So we did. I did not move and though he is pretty he is not in a mind frame to be a sexmate. He needs to focus on himself and her. So he was talking to me for here his daughter wanted my attention long enough to make anyone who does not have a child run away. I figured he has a sexmate anyways. So I thought okay cool guy that can be a friend. Ummmmm maybe not. Not sure not yet. He gave me weird stares and I could not shake it. I was like I have to leave and go back to reading. I said am I done here? He said yes. I said okay and left.
So moral of the story close the door and ignore the world. Sometimes its safer.